Africa 2012 Love Sweden Travels Work

Killing Saudades

Me & children in a school in Chibuto. Gaza province, Mozambique

The matte veil of whateverness that had been blurring my existence the past month was suddenly pulled off as I clicked the confirm button on the BA homepage, buying my ticket to Europe.

I woke up in the middle of the night in Chibuto, off the grid, accompanied by nothing but the full moon and a strong wish to see my mother. I thought about all the people I had met, children orphaned by deadly diseases and families separated by the struggle for employment and survival. I couldn’t find the logic in deliberately putting myself in the state of missing my close ones so much it would hurt me. Of course, one could argue that the price I had to pay for my flight can’t be justified for the few days I will get in Sweden. For me, however, happiness has always had a higher value than money and experience has taught me that the rest always can be sorted out with priorities. In other words – I’m coming home, baby.

I bought my ticket already the next day in the car on the way back to Maputo, using my phone as a modem. When I had confirmed the payment and received the e-ticket in my inbox, everything suddenly made perfect sense again and all grey feelings disappeared as if they had never been there.

I happily informed family and friends, and was met by excited and heart-warming hurraying. Friends are arranging their flights, my mother is asking what I would like for dinner. All this love, I’m so overwhelmed! I am working on a schedule to make sure I get all my millions of errands arranged, I can’t wait!

Knowing that I will spend a week in Sweden gave sense to everything else and has filled me with new energy to continue doing what I do. I am already starting to long back to Mozambique, to this beloved job, to the summer that is approaching, and to spending more time with the family I have become a part of.

What I was suffering from was clearly the state that in Portuguese is referred to as saudade. A very strong feeling that there is no real translation for in English, but I can assure you it’s a pretty damn real one. Anyway, that’s all gone now – I’m back!!

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