The pain of too much tenderness

TAVLA3

“When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.”

Khalil Gibran – The Prophet
On Love (1923)

Painting by Saad Ali, seen in Amsterdam

Welcome to Belize, part 2

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Took Luc to the airport and drove back on my own, facing the “Welcome to Belize” sign and palm trees again – I was welcomed back to my new home, where I now am by myself again.

Headed straight for a meeting in the South Side of Belize City where I got a tour and an intense briefing about the gang violence, murders, poverty, drugs and guns that many of the children deal with on a daily basis.

Much of the marijuana here is laced with crack or sprayed on chemicals and many kids drink an easily accessible mix of alcohol and valium.

“They often start drinking at the age of 8, about the same age that they get recruited into the gangs.”

Welcome to Belize beyond palm trees and paradise beaches – the world’s third most dangerous country.

Three dives in a day.

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Today we met a beautiful and curious turtle, some ugly barracudas, stingray, lobsters, squid, crabs, parrotfish, huge moray eels, a stalking grouper and a bunch of other colourful little creatures that I don’t know the names of – in the Northern Turneffe Atoll. Now we’re back at the Caye Caulker island, high on nitrogen and drunk on life.

Moja draga, moja Bekica.

There’s so much love overflow in me right now that I don’t know where to start when it comes to this girl.

She’s been there for so long, through so much, and always, always equally crazy and loving. Through the up’s and the downs, we know each other so well, we know the stories, life’s pains, the one million reasons to burst out laughing or crying. Whether it’s all the little nicknames and codes we created for things and people, or the fact that we used to sneak out of class in high school to go to car showrooms and pretend that we our very rich (and completely made up) father was going to buy us that sparkling new Mercedes SLK cabriolet, so that we could take it for a two hour spin around the city – with the wind in our hair and the CD with Jugoslavian music blasting loud enough to forget about all of life’s worries.

The amount of stories, the amount of memories, the amount of secret things we know about each other equals the amount of love I feel for my Bekica, Belma, Becky – who taught me how to sing in Bosnian and dance kolo.. and still I can’t be there for her wedding today.

And while it completely breaks my heart, I’m bursting of happiness at the same time – you’ve grown up, draga moja. We have grown up. And with a baby in your tummy, and the man of your life next to you – you’re embarking on a new adventure. And I’m there with you. Not physically. But with all my heart.