The online space of Caroline Bach
Today Malmö swallowed me into its meaningless darkness for about two hours. Unable to identify the feeling I felt lost and confused in this place before I managed to drag myself up. Out of negativity and emptiness, back to beautiful rationality, sunsets and beloved reality.
The amount of dignity that the Indian women were expressing when I saw them in India was both inspiring, impressive and touching. No matter how dirty and dusty the surroundings would be, they always managed to keep their faces and colourful clothes impeccably clean. No matter how much misery there would be around, they would always express calmness. Carrying their children on their backs while working as hard as the men, marked by tattoos, jewellery and colours binding them to their husbands, villages and status.
For me, being a foreigner invading their natural setting, I was thrilled by how these shy and quiet women wouldn’t treat me as an intruder and close me out with common prejudice. On the contrary, when approached with a smile, their eyes sparkled of curiosity and kindness and their willingness to communicate and exchange experiences with a woman from another world was touching. I sat down on the ground with women in many different cities, talking about their daily life and their dreams, sharing laughs and random memories. The importance of them giving their time to me and the gratefulness for having access to their worlds was immense. My male travel friends looked at me with envy as they were completely closed out from the colourful and giggly reality of Indian women. For me it was a lot easier – I was granted access just by being a woman and giving them a sincere smile.
There are people that you need to meet just a few times to realise that there is something about their ways that intrigue you. The beauty of those encounters is not to be denied, on the contrary, I believe they are to be enjoyed and explored as interesting people is a very scarce resource these days. But as reality at times can be a bit cruel, the intentions and interests of two people starting to interact often differ and your own interest might grow beyond that of friendship while the other person does not seek that kind of attention from you. Reality can decide that your possibilities for getting to know somebody better are limited by a somehow tangible reason such as distance – or the direct slap in the face such as the other person simply not gaining the same amount of stimulation from interacting with you.
Curiosity is a vicious little feeling when it gets abruptly interrupted. If somebody got your attention and you never got to further explore this person it can be very difficult to let go. Instead, you give your object of interest its own little room in your head and let it sit there and grow on you.
What often happens in that room is a process of glorification, you focus on the details that caught your interest in the first place while wondering about the rest. Curiosity tries to force you to fill in the blanks, and when you get blocked by reality, you panic and act irrational. You persuade yourself that this one is somebody you must fight for and that you just have to know what might have been.
It’s easy to forget the two most important details in this very classic situation – you don’t even actually know this person, and we are all people with our own preferences, thoughts and an ability to act, so if your object of obsession doesn’t respond to your attempts, you might just need to respect that.
Bebo y Cigala – Lágrimas Negras
Lágrimas Negras (2003)
“Aunque tú me has echado en el abandono
aunque tú has matado mis ilusiones,
en vez de maldecirte con justo encono
en mis sueños te colmo de bendiciones.Sufro la inmensa pena de tu extravío
siento el dolor profundo de tu partida
y lloro sin que tú sepas que el llanto mío
tiene lágrimas negras como mi vida.”
Sun, people, caipirinhas, live music, world food and a market with everything from earrings to bread, all ecological. I even had some acai, the real thing! Did I mention that I love Barcelona?
Come on over to ‘La Feria por la Tierra’ at Passeig de Lluis Companys, you know where, right below the Arco de Triomfo and a bit into parque de la Ciutadella. It’s on tomorrow as well, see you around! :)
“Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.”
“Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
And stand together but not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”Khalil Gibran
I’ve had a very nice day with friends, good food, wine and Gibran. Thus, today’s treat from me to you is an oldie by Gwen McCrae and these two masterpieces by the brilliant Lebanese poet. Khalil Gibran – The Madman (1918) + Khalil Gibran – The Prophet (1923)
Gwen McCrae – 90% of me is you
Gwen McCrae (1974)
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I understand that this might seem a little self-centered, but I need you to stop trying to pick just one of me. So, here it goes – hey, I’m both!
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In between the extremes is the reality where most of us are, where we feel safe and where life flows comfortably without drastic changes, where you just live – and let yourself be led by your strivings to reach what your surroundings already have accomplished.
I don’t want predictability, I want the extreme points of reality, the whole spectrum. The harshest contrasts with all of their details. I want to understand both “Bottom up” & “Top down” and talk to the lonely streetkid and to the man in the shiny suit. That’s where I feel that I learn, where I can be surprised and stimulated by something new. Where I can grow and get enough experience to actually do something, to be aware of the differences.
I need the world to surprise me, to not let me conform in “in between”, to give me reasons to move beyond myself. Cheesy enough it’s why I studied both Psychology and International Relations – because that’s where I want to be, understand all the realities of other people and myself, find myself in my own extremes.
Both of the pictures above were taken in 2010. The first one is in the Streetchild rescue center in Assagao, India. The second one is with Martin Luther King Jr. III on a Peace Conference in Jaffa, Israel. Both events taught me more than a year of master studies in Sweden ever could.
At the moment I am striving for two new extremes – one in Sub-Saharan Africa and the other one in shiny places where big decisions are made. I don’t know what will happen or where I will end up, but until then I have my beloved Barcelona which gives me a lot of stimulation at the moment and which seems to be the right place to maybe one day create a home base. We’ll see. I’m looking forward to whatever the future brings.
I couldn’t wish for anything else right now. Resting the C’MUN intensity, the lack of sleep and yesterday’s great farewell party away on the Barcelona beach was exactly what I needed. I love this city.